4:00 AM THOUGHTS

1:00 PM



After last week's horrible cold that left us all feeling (and looking) like zombies, poor Lydia ended up with an ear infection. Apparently it's fairly common for babies and toddlers to get ear infections shortly after having a cold! Who knew?! (This first-time-mom didn't!) Thankfully, a quick google search helped me feel very confident I needed to take her to the pediatrician -- despite a frustrating and confidence-shattering visit to Insta-care on her behalf the week before. There is certainly a reason I was not destined to be a mom before the invention of Google, I don't have a clue what I would do without it.

Through a series of tender mercies, antibiotics were prescribed and administered just hours after my hunch of ear infection, and I couldn't have been more grateful. (At the appointment the pediatrician even demonstrated how to give Lydia antibiotics/Tylenol in a way she couldn't spit it out, which has been nothing short of game-changing over the last few days.) 

Thanks to modern medicine, Lydia has been sleeping fairly well the past few nights, despite the infection, but wakes up on occasion, whimpering. At about 4:00 Thursday morning I got up to comfort her (whimpering babies might be one of the most heartbreaking things ever because they are just so beat they don't even have the energy to cry anymore). After about 15 or 20 minutes I got her comforted enough to go back to sleep. Thankfully, she laid right down in her crib without another peep, but unfortunately by that time I was wiiiiide awake. I got back in bed hoping I'd be able to fall asleep quickly, but instead I laid there for what felt like forever with a million thoughts running through my mind. 

Thoughts about how sad it was to see Lydia so unlike her usual perky and energetic self. How blessed we are that she is usually such good sleeper (although between teething, a cold, and an ear infection all within a month, the poor girl hasn't been able to catch a break lately).

Before long I was imagining and worrying about how different life will be once we are a family of four. Will I still be able to give Lydia the energy and attention she needs and deserves, even when there's another baby to care for? The logistics alone of having two people so little is quite intimidating. Thinking about getting both children in and out of carseats is enough to fill me with overwhelm! And then there's the question of when to ask my mom and mother in law to come out to help, not having a CLUE when this baby will decide to make his appearance. Not to mention the fact that we don't have a name picked out yet is also starting to stress me out more and more as the due date approaches, and that's when it hit me:

If this baby even comes even ONE DAY early...he will be here next month. 

NEXT MONTH?!?!?!?!? 

(Cue hundreds more overwhelming thoughts spiraling from how quickly this pregnancy is going to the fact that I have done so very little to prepare physically/mentally/emotionally for a second baby.)

For some reason, I find the fact that we are having a boy particularly...stressful. It's definitely not that I'm not excited about having a boy, I am! I just feel like I know so little about boys! I know very little about how they work and the trails they face. A few years down the road I'll have an advantage when it comes to raising girls simply because I am one, but a boy?? Boys are a foreign concept!

Really, bringing any child into a world that seems to be filled with so much evil and pain and hardship, is exceptionally daunting. (All it takes is a few minutes scrolling my Facebook feed to be reminded of all of the evil going on in the world.) As the thoughts began in yet-another downward spiral, I had a very clear, distinct thought. The same thought that I had shortly after Lydia was born and I was overwhelmed with very similar feelings.

The future is as bright as your faith.

There are so many unknowns about the future. Both the immediate future (aka next month(😳) or shortly thereafter) and the longer-term-future. But thankfully, despite the worries and fears and feelings of inadequacy I have, I know I'm not alone. I have Stephen (who is an amazing support and example of what a loving husband and father should be like). I have extended family, I have church-family, and on top of all that: I have a testimony that family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children! God will not abandon me, (or anyone!) as I go about doing His divine work. I have the scriptures and general conference talks, I have a worthy priesthood-holder in my home, and a solid testimony in the power of prayer! The future is bright!

Thankfully, shortly after coming to this conclusion, I was able to calm myself down enough to eventually fall back asleep.

I'm sure this was just the second of many times I will need to be reminded of this, but this reminder was recent enough and powerful enough that above all of the doubts and fears of the future, the number one emotion I'm feeling right now is excitement. And I'm very grateful for that.

_ _ _
han.


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2 comments

  1. This was an excellent read! ���� Those moments in the early mornings always seem to provide such good thoughts. You are exactly right, the future is as bright as your faith. ☺️

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    Replies
    1. It's been a while since I've been up at that hour, but will probably be having many more of those opportunities here pretty soon, haha. Thanks for reading, Kristyn!

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