GRUMPY TO GRATEFUL
9:10 PM
Yesterday was a long day, only made exponentially longer by my decision to not leave the house all day. (Always a poor choice, but it was cold INSIDE my apartment, so I can only imagine how much colder it was outside. #wimp ← I blame my CA upbringing😜.)
By the time Stephen left for basketball at 9:00 pm, I was READY for some time to relax and get caught up on a few projects (and over-story, as is my typical Tuesday night custom 😜) and juuuust as I was getting in the groove, Elliott woke up. I checked his diaper, fed him, burped him, and put him down again, sure he would fall back asleep without a problem. Wrong. I decided to let him ‘work it out’ and try to fall asleep on his own, but after a solid hour of him “crying” (I put crying in quotes, because he doesn’t really cry, it’s more like a whine haha, he’s a saint) I had had ENOUGH. Annoyed that I hadn't been nearly as productive as I had planned, I went into his room (aka our closet😂) and was determined to get this stinkin’ baby to SLEEP, dangit! Needless to say, I was a liiiittle bit grumpy😬, but Elliott didn’t notice. The second I walked into the room he stopped crying and the moment I picked him up he gave me THE BIGGEST smile followed by he cutest, happiest, jolliest giggle, AND I MELTED INTO A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR. In an instant he had taken me from grumpy to grateful, madly in love with this suddenly PERFECT baby 😂.
Instead of putting him down again and continuing the battle of wills, I took him out of his crib and we played. At nearly 11 pm, after a REALLY long day, we spent a solid twenty minutes staring at each other, giggling and smiling, playing peak-a-boo, and babbling back and forth.
Sometimes I feel guilty for how little one-on-one attention he gets from me. I know that comes with the territory of being a second child, but I feel like it’s a little more extreme in his case because he is SO chill all the time and will contently sit in his little play-chair for hours while I’m busy doing a million other things (and also because Lydia is quite good at demanding my attention these days 😂).
I don’t dwell on this guilt often because I know there’s not much I can do about it, but I’m realizing more and more just how fleeting this stage of motherhood really is. People always say that, but it really is so true. It’s crazy! Those squishy, baby-soft cheeks and thighs won’t last forever. Every part of motherhood is just a phase - the good and the bad, and it will all be over before I know it. Last night served as a little reminder for to try a little harder to cherish the sweet moments when they come - even when they are inconvenient and mean leaving my ever-growing to-do list for another day.
_ _ _
han.
Wilton Animal Crackers Pan
4 comments
It's great to recognize those opportunities to spend one on one with a child. But regarding the guilt when you can't...I certainly wasn't a perfect mother, but I think the way my fourth child (of six) turned out is pretty good evidence that not being able to provide undivided attention can still produce great people! ;) We all do the best we can. If we are prayerful and try to stay close to God, He can give mother's needed inspiration for a child and He can also help make up the difference. :)
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